blairprovence | FIC Not Even Jimmy Olsen (6/6) (BUFFY)

I stole back into Mr. Giles' office to retrieve the watergun while Cordelia said goodbye to Wesley. I couldn't make out her exact words, but his face was even redder when I emerged from the office, and I wondered how impossibly clueless the man could be not to understand her motives better. Maybe he didn't know about Xander. Then again, Xander was no longer in the room.

"Um, Mr. Giles?" I said, wondering why my voice squeaked with nervousness. I suppose I was having a hard time thinking of him as 'just' a librarian. The man was, after all, overtly dangerous. I mentally vowed to never keep a book past the due date again.

"Yes?" he murmured abstractedly, his attention still on Wesley. I wondered what he thought of Cordelia's little display.

"I just wanted to say...well, thank you, I guess. That was...that was really amazing."

"What? Oh, you're very welcome. You'd best run along now." He offered me a distracted smile before turning to pick up Buffy's shovel. "You needn't patrol tonight, Buffy. I think everything is well in hand."

Patrol?

"Cool," she replied, grinning at him. "See you tomorrow morning. Tell Xander and Willow goodbye for me, and make them let you give them a ride home, all right? Come on, Cordelia, give it a rest already. Time to go bye-bye."

Cordelia offered Wesley a sultry goodbye smile, eyelashes fluttering, before letting go of his arm and snatching up her purse. She stalked away toward the library doors - ignoring me, Buffy and Mr. Giles altogether.

"Goodnight, Cordelia," Mr. Giles called after her, and his tone held a definite note of amusement.

Buffy rolled her eyes, sharing a smirk with him, then motioned for me to follow her out the door. We exited the library and trailed Cordelia down the hall.

"So, um..." I glanced over at the petite girl next to me and wondered for the millionth time that night just what manner of person she was. She had held that sword, which must have weighed at least twenty pounds, like it were made of plastic, and now she fairly skipped down the hallway as though she hadn't been battling for her life mere minutes before, while I was exhausted just from having watched her fight.

"Yes?"

"Where'd you learn how to use a sword like that?" It wasn't the question I truly wanted to ask, but I didn't know how to inquire about what I really wanted to know.

"Oh, here and there," she murmured, keeping her eyes focused straight ahead. "By the way, I'd really appreciate it if you didn't tell anyone about the sword...or anything else that happened tonight."

How could she make such an innocuous statement sound so menacing? "Buffy, I'd never-"

"You're a Cordette," she interrupted as though I hadn't spoken. "I know what your little group thinks of me - I certainly heard enough of it from Cordy while she was hanging with us. But even she knows when to keep her mouth shut, and you should, too."

"Are you threatening me?" I asked before I thought better of it.

"Do I have to?" She sounded amused.

I swallowed nervously. "Um, no. I mean, I wasn't going to say anything. Who'd believe it, anyway?"

She smiled. "Good point. And besides, if you told anyone, you'd have to admit to hanging with us, and we couldn't have that, could we?"

"You guys aren't so bad." I winced as soon as the words left my mouth - I hadn't meant to sound so condescending.

She laughed. "Gee, thanks. But you're right about that, you know. And we've got really cool weapons. Do you think if everyone else knew that, we'd be more popular?"

"That's not the word I would use."

"Hmm." We caught up to Cordelia at the exit.

She was leaning against the wall, an annoyed expression on her face. "I forgot to get Volume III again," she complained to me, as though fighting a giant monster wasn't sufficient reason for a library book to have slipped her mind. "And Volume II is totally useless for my paper. I can't believe Giles gave me the wrong book." I handed her the watergun and she tucked it into her purse.

"He gives you what you ask for," Buffy pointed out, turning to study the doorframe through which the monster had entered. The door hung drunkenly off its hinges, and Buffy regarded it unhappily. "What do you want to bet Snide-man figures out a way to make this my fault?"

Snide-man...Did she mean Principal Snyder? It was no secret how he felt about Buffy. He'd expelled her last spring, then tried to keep her out of school altogether at the beginning of the year.

"No bet," Cordelia replied, smirking. "After all, he blames you for the football team's crappy record, the freak hailstorm we had last week, and global warming."

Buffy grimaced with sham guilt. "Well, I did used to use a lot of aerosol hair spray. But it was totally necessary for my eighth grade 'do."

We proceeded out the doorway toward Cordelia's car. "Do you want a ride, Buffy?" Cordelia asked as she opened the driver's side door, somehow managing to sound both completely willing to offer and utterly indifferent to the answer.

"No, I'm going to swing by the cemetery first, see if I can find Angel."

The cemetery? So *that's* where all the tall, dark and mysteriouses hang out. No wonder I hadn't caught myself one - not a location that was exactly on my top ten list for romantic ambience.

"Maybe if we're lucky the green guy got him before coming to the library," Cordelia quipped, inserting the key into the ignition.

Buffy scowled at her through the front window, one hand on her right hip. She flipped the stake into the air with her other hand, tossing and catching it expertly, and I thought she looked extremely threatening, though Cordelia appeared oblivious. "Your humor is so...nonhumorous, Cordelia," Buffy said. "What's your deal with him, anyway? He never did anything to you."

Cordelia frowned at her. "No, he just scared me out of my mind for months on end. And excuse me for caring that Willow's fish got shellacked, not to mention what happened to Ms. Calendar."

Ms. Calendar? The computer teacher? The one who had died in some weirdly tragic way that no one ever talked about? And what did fish have to do with anything?

Buffy winced at the mention of the teacher's name and the stake slipped through her fingers. "Things are different now," she muttered as she bent to retrieve the piece of wood. "That was in the past!" Her tone was excessively vehement. I wondered exactly whom she was trying to convince...and of what.

"Yeah," Cordelia agreed emphatically, "in the past...where you should have left him. You're playing with fire, Buffy, and if you're not careful, the whole world's gonna burn. Maybe everyone else is afraid to say it, but I'm not." She tossed her hair back for emphasis.

Buffy glared at her. "Gee, it's been so much fun talking to you, Cordy," she drawled sarcastically, "I really, really just hate to leave now. No, I don't. Buh-bye." She whirled on her heel and stalked off into the darkness.

I opened the passenger door and slid in next to Cordelia. "Should we just let her leave like that?"

Cordelia rolled her eyes as she started the engine. "You should have figured out by now that Buffy can take care of herself. And anything else that might come along." She glanced over her shoulder to make sure the way was clear behind her.

"So then why were you trying to piss her off, Cordelia?" I asked. "I mean, red flag, dangerous bull. She could beat you up with one hand tied behind her back."

"She wouldn't, though," Cordelia replied, backing out of the parking space. "She knows I'm right."

I pondered that for a moment as Cordelia peeled out of the parking lot. "Are you saying that if she didn't know you were right, she might beat you up? Turn right up here."

"At the light?" I nodded and she turned. "What are you talking about?"

"It's just...well, I think she sort of...threatened me earlier."

Cordelia blinked at me, clearly surprised. "What?"

"She warned me not to talk about what happened tonight."

Cordelia snorted and returned her gaze to the road ahead. "Why would you?"

"Why would I?" I exclaimed. "Why wouldn't I, Cordelia? This was the most amazing night I've ever had in my life!"

Her sideways glance was blankly uncomprehending.

"Cordelia, I just saw a giant green monster that couldn't possibly exist get hacked to death by the librarian and the weirdest girl in school! Don't you think talking about that's just a little bit more interesting than listening to Harmony prattle on and on about Todd Oldham's fall line."

"No," she replied shortly.

I studied her closed expression for a moment, wondering again what manner of relationship existed between Buffy and Cordelia. I suppose I had always assumed that the antipathy Cordelia exhibited for Buffy's little gang when she was around us was wholly returned by the members of said gang - but Buffy didn't seem to dislike Cordelia. It was more as though she found her amusing in some way, and the insults Cordelia offered appeared to bounce off of her without impact. Had they really been friends before Cordelia and Xander had split up? Taking into account their hard-fought battle for Homecoming Queen, it seemed unlikely.

And, speaking of that, considering how lethal Cordelia was aware Buffy could be, it had actually been very brave of her to compete against the blonde girl, since Buffy could have 'encouraged' her to drop out of the contest with just one or two well-placed punches. Not that I necessarily thought she would, but still...

Of course, they both had arrived at the dance hours late looking totally trashed - maybe they'd duked it out in the parking lot beforehand. Though if they had, Buffy must have won, even without her sword.

Hmm.

Time for a new tactic. I cleared my throat. "Well, Buffy said you knew when to keep your mouth shut," I offered pointedly, wondering what kind of response I would get. I didn't think Cordelia would take kindly to the suggestion that someone else could control her behavior.

I was right.

Cordelia glared over at me. "I'm not afraid of Buffy, if that's what your implying. I just happen to think all of the icky stuff is her business, that's all."

'All' of it? Hmmm, again.

"So, you're saying she does this sort of thing all the time?" I prodded.

"I'm not saying anything."

She wasn't, and it was getting annoying. "I really don't get it, Cordelia," I complained. "Why are you trying to protect her? I mean, you say you guys aren't even friends anymore, if you ever were."

"We aren't...weren't." Not exactly a convincing assertion.

"So, what is it then?"

She sighed and rubbed her neck tiredly. "Look, if people knew about this - assuming they'd believe it, which I majorly doubt - do you think she'd still be able to do it? They'd lock her up in a looney bin somewhere, leaving all the rest of us to fend for ourselves. And what do you think would have happened if Buffy hadn't been there tonight?"

"Well...I guess the police would have-"

She snorted. "The police - yeah, right!"

"You think she's the only one who could have stopped it? Don't forget, Mr. Giles was the one who actually killed it."

"You don't get it. If Buffy wasn't here, Giles wouldn't be here. He came to this stupid town to be with her, when she moved here. In fact, if Buffy hadn't moved to Sunnydale, none of us would be here, probably. You think that thing was bad? That was nothing. Not even close to the worst by far." She glanced at me impatiently. "Haven't you ever wondered about the death rate in this town? Haven't you seen the In Memorium section in the yearbook?"

My throat felt dry as my mind tried to conjure even scarier horrors. "Worse?"

She licked her lips and returned her gaze to the road, but I could see the shadows behind her eyes. "Things that won't die..." she murmured. "Not ever...and things that all they want is hell on earth and the end of everything." She swallowed. "She's stopped it. They've stopped it."

"You've stopped it," I pointed out. "Turn left up here."

She shook her head as she turned the steering wheel. "No, I didn't...I just went along for the ride for a while..." She bit her lower lip. "But that's over now."

"How can it be over?" I asked, honestly curious. "Knowing what you know - how can you just walk away from them?"

Cordelia's lips twisted bitterly. "I didn't walk away...I didn't walk anywhere, not for an entire week almost. I sat in a hospital bed and just looked at the huge hideous hole in my stomach, and I realized, 'Hey, I'm not Buffy, I don't have to do this stuff.' So I don't now, and you shouldn't either." She turned to look at me, her eyes blazing with intensity. "People die around Buffy. You remember Ms. Calendar, don't you? And Dr. Gregory? Kevin? Theresa? The swim team?"

"Well, I-...Ms. Calendar?" I remembered that Cordelia had mentioned her earlier, and that Buffy hadn't reacted well at all. "You know who killed Ms. Calendar?"

"Yes," she replied in a clipped tone.

"Why haven't you told the cops, then?"

"Because the cops can't do anything," she retorted. "And I can't do anything, and you can't do anything. But Buffy can. So let her, okay? Just stay out of her way and keep your mouth shut!"

An uneasy silence fell between us, broken only by my periodically offering directions to my aunt's house. Dimly I realized that I was about to allow Cordelia to see something I'd kept hidden for almost two years now - the true state of my home and family. It would have been an unthinkable revelation just a few hours earlier, but, somehow, after the evening we'd just had, hiding my rundown roots seemed a lot less important.

Cordelia didn't even seem to notice that we were driving into the majorly less than ritzy part of town. She appeared to be deep in thought - which thoughts must have been less than pleasant, judging from the frown that had taken up permanent residence on her forehead.

"Here we are," I said, pointing to my aunt's badly in-needof -paint track house, trying not to redden in embarrassment at the rusting remains of two old cars resting on the front lawn. I had pointed out to Aunt Phoebe several times that their presence made us a white-trash cliche, but she had just laughed. "Home sweet home."

Cordelia looked - really looked - at it for the first time, then turned to me, eyebrows raised. "Really?"

"Yeah." I regarded the sagging facade of the front of the house for a moment, trying to picture it through her eyes. Somewhat to my surprise, I found that I didn't really fear that she would rat me out to the others. She was obviously quite skilled at keeping her mouth shut. "My secrets for yours, I guess."

She just looked at me, studying my face silently for a few long moments. Then she smiled - a real smile, and it made me realize how rarely I'd seen her wear one. "It's a deal."

I nodded and opened my door. "Well, I guess I'll see you, then," I said, stepping from the car. I hung awkwardly over the doorframe to give her a half-wave goodbye.

"Tomorrow," she agreed, and I shut the door and turned toward the house. I expected her to back out and drive away while I made my way up the walkway, but the car remained where it was, the headlights illuminating the path to the front door. Her actions puzzled me for a moment - before I remembered that Cordelia was much more knowledgeable about the things that lurked in nighttime shadows than most other people in Sunnydale. I quickened my pace, fumbling for my key as I stepped up on the porch. A moment later I was inside, and the noise from Cordelia's car engine receded into the distance.

I locked the deadbolt and hooked the chain, but even that failed to make me feel much better. I wondered if I would ever feel safe in my own home again, and suddenly I understood a little of what Cordelia had been trying to tell me about the folly of becoming involved. But I couldn't go back, couldn't unlearn the things I'd learned that night.

I'd just have to learn to live with them.

Sighing, I headed for my bedroom.

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The next morning dawned bright and clear and monster-free, and my mind whirled with questions as I walked to school. The beautiful day and severe sleep deprivation had combined to make me wonder if the previous evening's events had all been some crazy bad-pizza-inspired dream on my part. But, no, the faculty parking lot entrance to the school had been roped off with yellow plastic tape, proof-positive that the green creature burned into the back of my eyelids had been all too real.

I made my way to my locker in a daze, automatically removing the books for first period without even glancing at their covers.

"Hey!" Aura exclaimed, appearing next to me suddenly, and I jumped about a foot.

"Dammit, you startled me!" I replied testily, slamming the locker door shut.

Aura glanced behind her at Aphrodisia and they both raised their eyebrows. "Tense, much?" Aph murmured. "Well, you should be - Harmony's on the warpath. Where was your brain last night?"

"Yeah," Aura chimed in, "I can't believe you took Cordelia's side against Harmony! What were you-"

"Did I hear my name?" Her voice cut through Aura's chatter like a hot knife through butter, and Aura's eyes went wide with alarm. She scooted to the side as Cordelia came up beside us.

Cordelia appeared much the same as she did every morning - dressed to the nines, not a hair out of place, hauteur in her eyes. But, like the negative of a photo - I blinked and saw her wielding a crossbow with deadly accuracy on the library stairs. I blinked again and we were back in the school hallway, but it was as though I was truly seeing the real Cordelia for the first time. I smiled at her, and she smiled back.

"Um, Cordelia, I didn't see you," Aura stuttered miserably. "Wh-"

"Oh, quit babbling, Aura," Cordelia cut her off. "It makes your hair go flat."

"Then it will match yours, won't it?" came Harmony's snide voice, and as one our group turned toward her. She stood in the middle of the hallway, arms akimbo, a dark scowl on her face. I thought, not for the first time, how unattractive it made her, even dressed head-to-toe in designerwear.

"Good morning, Harmony," Cordelia greeted her cordially, as though they hadn't been at each other's throats just last night. "Nice outfit."

"Too bad I can't say the same to you," Harmony replied, not giving an inch. "Hanging with the loser squad really eroded your fashion sense, you know?" I saw Buffy arriving from over Harmony's shoulder, and I caught my breath, wondering what she would do. She was too close to us not to have overheard Harmony's comment.

She didn't disappoint.

"Were you talking about me?" Buffy interjected sweetly, inserting herself into our circle between Aura and Harmony. They jumped and scooted away, and Buffy's smile widened. I suddenly realized that she got a kick out of her reputation, at least upon occasion.

Well, who wouldn't?

"What do you want?" Harmony asked, trying to cover her momentary lapse of composure with belligerence. She didn't fool anyone - well, except maybe Aph and Aura.

"What do I want? Not to talk to you, that's for sure," Buffy laughed, before turning to Cordelia and holding out a book. "Delivery from Giles. Volume III of something or other." Her eyes were dancing, and I stifled a grin. Obviously, Mr. Giles wouldn't have even known about the book unless Buffy had told him, which meant that Buffy had forgiven Cordelia for what she'd said last night. I don't know why that made me happy, but it did.

Cordelia blinked down at the book for a moment, before reaching out to take it from Buffy's hand. "Um, thanks, Buffy."

"No prob." Truce offered, truce accepted, or at least that's what it looked like to me. Buffy turned to leave.

"So you're making deliveries for the librarian now?" Harmony sneered, apparently angered further by the lack of animosity between Buffy and Cordelia. If the girl kept this up, she was going to be living on antacids by graduation.

Buffy glanced back at her and grinned. "Well, I hafta do something for him in return for all the great sex, don'tcha think?" Her smile widened wickedly as Harmony began to choke. "I'll see you in chem, Cordy." Her gaze flicked to me for a moment; then she turned and sauntered away, a happy spring in her step. The students in the hallway parted before her like the waters of the Red Sea.

"You told her?" Harmony sputtered, glaring at Cordelia.

"Well, you wanted to know, didn't you?" Cordelia returned blithely, though I could tell she was trying hard not to burst out laughing. "You didn't expect me to ask Giles, did you? Because quizzing the librarian on his sex life is not my idea of fun." Before Harmony could reply, Cordelia turned to me. "Speaking of chemistry, do you need a lab partner for the experiment today? Cause I'm free."

Aura, Aphrodisia, and Harmony's mouths all dropped open simultaneously at her offer, which was, on the surface, so innocuous. But only on the surface. Chemistry was the only class that Harmony, Cordelia and I all shared with Buffy and her little gang. Harmony had been extremely put out earlier in the year when Cordelia had abandoned us in favor of partnering up with Xander, Willow, or Buffy for the labs. It had appeared to me as though they traded off partners at random - not that it mattered, really, because just about everyone in class used Willow's results anyway. They were the only ones with a reasonable chance of being accurate. Anyway, that had left Harmony and I as partners, until Cordelia had abandoned Buffy and Co. and returned to the fold, so to speak. After a few tense days, Harmony had taken Cordelia back, leaving me to team up with Abby Williams, who was second-tier on the popularity meter but possessed decidedly better handwriting. Not a bad trade, at least in terms of my chem grade.

But now Cordelia's suggestion would leave Harmony out in the cold, a snub that everyone from the buffest jocks to the lowliest nerds would see and understand. If I had thought I was in the doghouse with Harmony before...

I smiled brightly at Cordelia. "I'd love to."

"Great!" she replied, feigning oblivion in the face of Harmony's scowling fury. "We'd better get to class," she continued, taking my arm. "Bye, guys." We took off down the hall before Harmony had time to regroup.

"We're going to paaaay for that," I murmured to Cordelia as soon as we were out of earshot.

"But it was fun, wasn't it?" she replied, flashing a smile.

"Completely," I agreed.

We rounded the corner, and who should we encounter but Willow and Mr. Giles. They were standing outside of the computer lab, engrossed in conversation, and I wondered if they were discussing the specifics of the green puddle on the library floor. Mr. Giles glanced up distractedly and nodded at Cordelia, his gaze passing over me without recognition. Willow offered Cordelia a quick smile before returning her attention to the man beside her.

"Do you think they even remember I was there?" I muttered as we proceeded down the hallway. I tried to keep my tone light, but I think Cordelia could tell I was a little hurt.

She pursed her lips, eyeing me sympathetically. "Okay...you have to get something straight, all right? Last night was, like, vacation for them, okay? A negative number on the bad-o-meter. It's a 'the monster's a puddle so let's move on' kind of thing. Don't take it personally."

"Green floating guys are run of the mill," I replied promptly, taking her reassurance the way it was intended and moving on. "Got it. But you have to admit, the aftermath was uck-city."

"Mmm." She cocked her head to the side reminiscently. "We fought a blue one once - well, Buffy did, anyway. She took it out with a missile at the mall and we had to pick up the pieces afterward. Talk about 'uck'."

"Ew," I agreed, catching sight of Xander with Oz down the hall. The dark haired boy was waving his arms wildly about, to Oz's visible bemusement, and I realized that the guitar player must be in on the weirdness as well. I felt Cordelia tense beside me as she caught sight of her former boyfriend, but she just set her jaw and continued marching toward them.

"Hey," Oz greeted us laconically, which was pretty much how he did everything, as far as I could tell.

"Hi, Oz," Cordelia replied, pointedly ignoring Xander, who pointedly returned the favor. We turned the corner.

"I can't believe him," I said once they were safely behind us. "He never even thanked you!" I felt surprisingly indignant on her behalf.

She blinked. "Oz?"

"No, Xander," I returned. "You saved his life last night, Cordelia. You'd think that would rate a mention, at least."

She shrugged diffidently, clearly not seeing my point. "Yeah, well, we're probably even, then. This is my stop. See you in chem." She disappeared inside the classroom, and I made my solitary way down the hall to my own door.

So this is the morning after, I mused as I took my seat amid a sea of oblivious students. The morning after a major turning point in my life - and for everyone else, it was just another day. Those that had been present during my epiphany apparently couldn't remember that I was even there. It was more than a little humiliating, but, then, I guess their acknowledgement isn't really that important.

Because I do remember. I remember it all - what happened, and what it means.

And I'll never forget it.